A reader who knows that
sometimes I channel Roseanne Roseannadanna sent me this message:
“Dear Martini Martinilini, I know you get a lot of e-mail. It looks as if you
are taken in by some of the e-mail you have been getting. That can happen to
anyone. But especially you.
“So I thought I would try to help a little. If you are getting e-mails that have
Subjects like ‘Pursue your goals,’ and they are from senders like ‘Online
bachelors,’ those are not what you think. I would not want you to be
disappointed. Those are not really from bachelors (guy who are not married).
They are trying to sell you fake college degrees.
“I know you would have figured this out sooner or later, but maybe this will
save you some trouble.”
Well, that is right thoughtful of this faithful reader. However, I already knew
that some of those e-mail senders are likely to be married. They might even be
practicing bigamy or trigamy.
As for those college degrees, I wasn’t going to send for any of those. Or if I
did, why would I settle for a bachelor’s degree when here is an offer with the
subject “Become a doctor of anything” from a sender called “online doctorate”?
Why not start at the top?
There are many such offers out there. It seems that most of the doctoral
programs offer PhD programs, which might indicate that you don’t have to bother
with punctuation while doing your coursework. Or maybe it has to do with the PhD
Phactor.
These schools are accredited. They all say so, and would they lie? They are
accredited by all sorts of groups, which are roughly as genuine as the distance
learning schools they accredit.
I should ask that faithful reader about the e from “online bachelors” that
stresses flexibility. Are we sure that is about an academic degree program?
Isn’t it odd that there are few offers concerning masters degrees? I did see
something on Craig’s List mentioning Dominators, but no Masters.
***
Recently I received a top-secret dispatch that informed me that an esteemed
colleague is about to become a nonagenarian. I will not reveal the name of this
highly accomplished person, soon to be considered venerable, having attained
such an age. He is almost but not quite related to me. And did I mention he is
conservative, and converses about conservation? And that he is of the Swedish
persuasion?
***
“Did you see that about Mickey Rooney?” someone asked on the phone. I hadn’t, so
I started Googling. A little later I did catch a few mentions in the news.
There he was, addressing a Congressional committee on the topic of elder abuse.
It seems that some step-children had been abusing him, controlling his assets,
even denying him food and his medications.
What have we seen of Mickey lately? I could remember a few commercials. There
were several for life insurance, the kind that would pay final expenses and
provide money for your children, meaning grown offspring who should not be
burdened with funeral and burial expenses.
There were some for Ranier beer, and there was one made for Super Bowl use but
never aired because it showed Rooney in full back-al nudity.
In at least one commercial I remembered, Mickey’s seventh and current wife was
the main protagonist, and Mickey was more like a prop.
In Mickey’s recent request for a restraining order against two step-children, he
said he had been forced to perform, against his will. My guess is that he was
being pushed pretty hard to do those commercials. He seemed embarrassed in them.
The whole sad situation put me in mind of a scene from some old movie, in which
he and Judy Garland are supposed to be tooling along through the countryside,
with Judy driving a “roadster,” and they sang “Can You Use Me?” Now, the
question is, can others “use” Mickey, in a negative sense.
Mickeyhas admitted having had problems with substance abuse. Perhaps he didn’t
manage to hang onto much of the money he made in films.
Here is someone whose name is known by millions, and who could be called a
beloved actor, an icon. Imagine him being a victim of elder abuse!
Then imagine dozens of elderly persons in McKean County being victims of some
form of elder abuse, neglect or exploitation. Then reflect that this is a tragic
reality, not an imaginative scenario.
You may know of some. In some cases it is a matter of inattention by family, of
friends being unaware of the situation.
In some cases it is a matter of deliberate exploitation by relatives or other
members of the household.
Sometimes it is a matter of the wrong person having been placed in charge of a
person through an abusive guardianship.
Abusive guardianships are all too common in this country, as are abuses of
powers of attorney (attorney-in-fact).
If you know of an elderly person who may be a Mickey Rooney without the fame, an
older person being exploited or abused or neglected or at risk, tell the Office
of Aging. I’d be interested in knowing about it, too, as would an area group
just being formed, aimed at combating abusive guardianships.
Peace.