Recently I turned off my e-mail filters on one account, trying to replicate a problem a client was having. Soon I found out what I had been missing all this while by blacklisting certain domains and addresses, and using a stock de-spaminator.

Here is a message saying in the Subject line that I can see profiles of 50 plus singles; but in the From line it says “45 plus singles.” This might indicate that when this service named itself for e-mailing purposes there were only 45 plus who were single, but since then some got divorced.

I click on the message, expecting to see an array or series of people, certifiably single, and all posed for a side-view. You know how sometimes you can’t really tell how that person looks from a full-face view. Only in profile do you see the beak-like nose, the Caspar Milquetoast chin.

Well, there is a picture of just two people, one male (silver hair, nose like that of Groucho Marx, but hey, it could have been like Jimmy Durante’s schnozola), one female, dark hair with nary a tell-tale grey strand, cuddled up against his chest, cheek on his clavicle.

This is at SeniorPeople, which is connected somehow with DLP & Associates of Walnut, California.

Looking at these two (from the 45 or 55 plus), I conclude that they are a couple. They could have been singles until they got to this SeniorPeopleMeet place or the photo shoot, but they clicked, the camera clicked,  these two are all we see on the opened e-mail. Not a solitary single, let alone 45 plus or 55 plus.

Do you think the cryptic e-mail subject and sender names were meant to indicate ages? How senior is that? Was it meant to indicate that those just north of 45, such as the raven-haired and downright scrawny female, can meet silver-haired gentlemen who are aged, like fine wine that is at least 55 years in the bottle, under the auspices of these California walnut matchmakers? (I mean the wine has been in the bottle at least 55 years; I don’t know how long Silverhair has. And before you e-mail, post or tweet that ravens have feathers, not hair, I know that; and I know his hair is not even aluminum, let alone silver, and he had better get some action before the Hair Club repossesses it.)

No profiles, nothing that could be used for that right photo, the one of the right side of the face, on a Wanted poster. His is a 7/8 pose, hers 4/5.

Ah, here’s one with a promising subject: meet 1000s of local singles. It is From Catchy domain, huh?

I want to check it out because it is news to me that there are 1000s of singles whom we would think of as local. There are not that many single dogs, cats and children here. (Yes, I know there are children having children and begetting children here, but they tend to be single.)

At least this message shows a guy in profile, and a nice profile it is. Dark brown hair. She has platinum hair, porcelain teeth (about 40—the number of teeth, not the age). She also has a little black dress, except in one area where it is not so little, but it makes up for that in the modest amount of fabric it contains, and the modest amount of modesty achieved. (Same disclaimer as before. I know her hair is not platinum. The part by the part is more like agate. But I bet the teeth really are porcelain.)

These are not local people. They don’t look particularly single either. Where are the other 1000s? Will they appear, singly I would hope, if I click this link?

Alas no. For that I would need to supply a lot of information, and then Continental Solutions Grope will sort them out for me, and come up with at least one prospect. And they’ll do it in 6 months or they’ll give me 6 months FREE.

Oops. That’s Continental Solutions Group, not Grope. The last Continental Solutions Grope I remember seeing was by Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, but it was very tastefully done.

Here’s one that looks adventurous. The domain is, and the Subject is LAST CHANCE—Vote for Wolves!

Now that they mention it, yes, it would be a good idea to have a rating system for wolves.  I have to open this message.

Well, the nose is prominent, and there is a lot of hair. Grandma, what big ears you have! What sharp teeth you have! Nice try. It might fool Little Red Ridinghood, but I know right off, this is a critter. Canis lupus. The wolfsavers org (turns out org is short for organization, see, not what I thought) wants us to vote for it to get some of the $1,000,000 that American Express will hand out to the most popular charities.

In addition to the impressive specimen with the 1,000-mile stare, featured in this e-mail, there is a photo of an adorable, fluffy wolf cub covered in gray plush. It would seem that Canis lupus is, or are, involved in a dating system that really does work.

Phooey on this piece-by-piece spam checking. I am turning on the filters again. These unsolicited solicitations are all come-ons, and they are just looking for money. False promises everywhere. ::sigh::

E-mail or Skype if you have better luck and want to share. Or at least tell us about it.